On a walk

Thursday, April 29, 2010

When you are feeling so down that even your Flatmate notices, and comments, you know it's time for you to really take action. To do something about it, because even if for a time you had wanted to feel blue, now it's getting almost out of hand and threatening to infiltrate into every aspect of your life, except, funnily enough, in the French department, as yet.

"Tu es heureuse ?"

Someone from my French class asked me this week. It took me so much in surprise. Even as I answered,

"But of course, I am happy,"

I was really thinking,

'Can I be so unhappy that even this person can see it? feel it?'

I don't even know why I have been feeling down. It may be from the lack of exercises, the stress, the sadness from Mum's short stay, missing seeing my friends... Probably all of the above, even as I have been experiencing other little joys here and there.

I felt like a coffee today, like I needed medicine, which is unusual.

But caffeine on an empty stomach did more harm than it did good, and using that as an excuse I went home early. I wanted to go for a run; it was a lovely day after all. However, there were things to be done at home first. Dishwashing the few days' worth of bowls, plates, and cutlery, by which time Flatmate had arrived. Throwing the rubbish out that was the cause of the smelly flat.

Then I went for a walk.

In order to get over my confused and distressed state of mind I needed a bout of fresh air, to clear my head. Alone. It wasn't running, but just as good. Auckland is not a very pretty city to go walking about in. I missed my hometown, Christchurch. But in the setting sun the golden red leaves of Autumn shined beautifully, pleasing to the sight. I passed the French lady I have been longing to strike a conversation with; I will catch up with her some other day. There was an arts supply shop near uni where I had not the chance to visit this year yet, so there I stopped by. Then around the loop towards home, when I took a detour to spend some time in the Church.

This is one of THE moments when I feel like a real Christian, because I do feel safer and forgiven and calmer when I enter a church. I like visiting them, even if it's not on a Sunday. Then it'll probably be for reasons like today, to be more at peace with myself. So that's what I did today, again, to think things over, to argue, and to accept how and why I was feeling like I was. In this busy lifestyle that we lead, being inside a church for me allows, forces, me to put a halt on it, so I can really get the chance to think over things. To plan the best moves to go about. Coming out of the Cathedral I felt better, more so when I stopped by the fountains and read the words,

All will be well

So unto my real destination in this loop trip, the supermarket that is just across from home. I wanted to buy some flowers for our flat, and other supplies that we were needing, such as to solve the annoying drainage problem with the kitchen sink which I was going to end for once and for all. Sunflower and tulips look pretty, sitting nicely trimmed in their cup vases at home; Sunflowers in the living area, and tulips by the window sill in my room. They bring colour to the place, which is much needed, both in mine and the apartments cold and gloomy interiors.

Now that I have almost finished restoring and fixing my computer now, hopefully for the long while, I will have some more me time before going to sleep. Like manicures. Then I will be ready for some us time.

This weekend will be a busy one, filled with studies, work, and friends. Friends, whom I have missed so much!

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