I changed

Thursday, January 12, 2012

I was scared I wouldn't have changed much during my year in Paris. What if I came back to NZ to find that everything was the same, myself included? That would have been so disappointing. Shameful, even. What, I had met all these amazing people in Europe but they hadn't widened my visions as much as I had thought and hoped?!

NZ had changed, too, though. Christchurch wasn't the same as I had left it. So many things were unrecognisable. It felt strange, to be driving down such wide roads but with so few a people. People talking in English - English! - yet they sounded so foreign to me. Not the accent, that was familiar, but, the whole English-ness... It was strange.

On the other hand, Auckland is much the same, save for a few new shops here and there. Same old ugly city I was longing to come back to. The same things that have always stressed me - accommodation, money for the year, part time jobs, while studying - they are still the same. Oh no, I hadn't wanted to fall back into the same old routine. Exactly what I had been fearing.

It seemed that while I in Auckland have not changed much, and it was my friends who had changed, having gone through the study-work transition during my absence.

...This was not how it was supposed to be.

But you know what, I have changed. I was just listening to a song - and I just realised, it is my taste in things that have evolved the most during my year abroad.

The things I read, the songs I listen to, the clothes and the kinds of people I am attracted to; they have developed into a style that is more defined than before I left for Europe. I feel better having realised this.

But you. 
You are the only reason that makes me sad for having changed.. 

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